A Reflection on Weight Loss

Lisa Pederson is a member that most of you have come to know, love, and admire. But even she has had her struggles. Check out this article that she had written about weight loss a few years ago. Hopefully, some of you may be able to relate to her words and possibly even learn something that you can take with you.

On April 10, 2012, I stepped through the doors of Total Solutions (now FyT Results) and met with Tanner; that day changed my life!  As we sat and talked about me and my goals I realized a couple of things.  1) I was happy with my life and 2) I was very unhappy with me. 

Tanner and I spoke for a long time about goals, failures, successes, and most of all, what I needed to be successful.  We began my health and fitness journey the very next day with a weigh-in (OMG) and measuring.  On April 11, 2012, I did my first workout since high school.  I came in determined to “reach my weight loss goal this time and to stick with it.”  Tanner set a goal for me of 40 lbs and I set a goal to lose 35 lbs by Nov. 1, 2012. 

The workouts and healthy eating plan started and boy did I see RESULTS!  With each week I would lose pounds but what really took me by surprise were the INCHES!!  Even weeks when I might not lose a pound, I would still lose inches and then that became my goal.  I started to realize that while the weight was still important, the inches were even more important!  I was dropping body fat percentages and I really felt good.

The workouts were exhausting and the pain and soreness some days was almost unbearable but I had made a promise to myself and darn it, I was going to stick to it this time!!  So I would push through, I would show up on days that I was sure I couldn’t lift another weight to save my soul.  I would show up when it hurt just to get out of bed.  I would eat good foods and not go out to eat every night at work.  I would take pre-made healthy snacks to eat in the squad, not buy chips or a candy bar when I just had to have something.  I had made this choice to get fit and it was working.

Don’t get me wrong, there were those days when nothing but a DQ chocolate covered strawberry Blizzard would satisfy me and I had one but the next day, I forgave myself and ate right again.  I was beginning to realize that I was human and I can make those choices and give up or I could make those choices and then make a better choice and keep going toward my goal.

When November came I hadn’t quite made Tanner’s goal of 40 pounds and my goal was just within reach.  I didn’t beat myself up for failing; I slapped myself on the back and was proud of what I had accomplished so far!  My mindset was changing, instead of blaming myself, blaming the program, blaming period, I realized that I had accomplished a great deal and that I still had work to do.

In December of 2012 my husband and I were planning our vacation and I went to put on those dreaded summer clothes.  As was my usual, I pulled on the box to see what would fit (because usually they had all shrunk over the previous time period) and I couldn’t wear a darn thing!!  Everything in the box pretty much fell right off of me, those inches were REALLY showing!!  Oh God I thought, I have to go shopping (and I detest shopping)!

For the first time in 8 months I was going to buy new clothes.  I hadn’t purchased a new thing yet.  I knew my clothes were too big, I knew I had to make holes in my belt to make it smaller  I knew my uniform was starting to look like it belonged to someone else but I wasn’t ready in my mind to believe I should buy new clothes.  I didn’t see the results because I wasn’t accepting how my body looked.  There were still those “fleshy parts”, those “problem areas” that I hated.

When I started, I was a size 14 (and those were getting tight).  I was at the store, not knowing what size to try on but thinking, “If I can fit into a size 10 that would be unbelievable!”  So I tried on a size 10 and, too big!!!  That made me smile, so I asked the girl for a size 8.  Again, too big!!!  What the hell, am I being pranked here??  I can’t be smaller than a size 8, bring on a size 6 please.  The girl brings me a size 4 and I busted out laughing, “I was NEVER a size 4!!”  They were too big!!!!!!  With tears in my eyes (yes, I was the blubbering idiot in the dressing room), I put on a size 2 and sure enough, they fit perfect! 

I looked at myself in the mirror and came to a sudden realization, we are never happy with our bodies.  I had said for years, “if only I could fit into a size 10 again I’d be happy,” and yet here I was a size 2 and still complaining about those fleshy parts, still wanting to lose more weight, lose more inches.  It was right there, while standing in a size 2, in a random dressing room that I realized we are never happy with ourselves.  Are we ever really happy with how we look?

I stopped right there, blew my nose, wiped my eyes and thought, YES, I am happy with myself.  I have clothes that fit beautifully now, I looked in the mirror and realized I had worked extremely hard to get where I was and darn it, it was enough!!  I still had a few pounds to go to reach my goal weight but I was ok with that, I was ok with me  

I have continued with Tanner and been joined by Brooke and James.  Their tenacity, their wisdom, and their encouragement have taken me to a place I didn’t think I could get…they have helped me again to be happy with ME!  Not just how I look as me but as me as a person and my body is ok even if I still do have some fleshy areas that continue to tighten (or maybe they never will, and that’s ok too).

I no longer care so much about the number on the scale.  The inches come off much more slowly but they still do come off.  My size 2 still fit but I find the size 4 is more comfortable and that is where I want and need to be, where I need to be for me!  I don’t step on the scale every day, or every week for that matter.  I look to me, to my reflection, and that is how I know I’m successful.

I look at my before and after pictures and can’t believe the difference, 8% body fat, 66 inches, and 36 pounds, it is enough!  I took a picture in with my size 14 pants and to see the 66 inches of difference is astronomical, it is one of my favorite pictures.  I look at this picture anytime I look at a fleshy part and doubt myself and realize how far I have come. 

I have to say that I am most proud of the fact that I have realized that I did this for myself, not for anyone else.  I worked hard and I continue to work hard at maintaining.  I am probably the healthiest I have been in my life and all of this was done with nothing more than hard work and good food; no pills, no surgery, no miracle cure, just that hard work and determination that I knew was there, I just needed some good trainers to get me to do it.

Now I’m looking at myself just 8 years later and here I am again, working to get rid of those fleshy parts I allowed back in.  I’m in a different workout facility with another awesome community that is supportive and just plain awesome.  I found the Machine Shed when I was feeling lost and unhappy with where I had been.  I’m not back in those 14’s and I’m certainly not in those 4’s, I have work to do but I feel good about where I’m at and where I’m going.

~Coach Karina, BS-Kinesiology, CF L1 Trainer, USAW Sports Performance Coach